Mistress are almost painfully bad.

This one comes all the way from Wellington, New Zealand, and marks Mistress's first full length footprint on the landscape of melodic rock. To be honest, if I'm going to continue the foot metaphors for just a little longer then it's safe to say that it should really just be given the (Wellington) boot.

The thing is, and it's hard to put this politely, Mistress are almost painfully bad. As opener 'Rock It Tonight' chugged out with an initial "Woah, woah woah" I knew I was not in for a treat, even of bite size proportions. Generally, I love melodic rock, especially if it's 'Inspired by the great AOR and hair metal artists of the 80s' (it sez here). 'Loveteaser' is blander than a coffee with no coffee in it, just a bunch of chugging riffs and the odd well played but out of place guitar solo. The vocals are fine, the playing is fine, but the songs are just shit. Even in the world of rock-by-numbers this is at the 1-plus-1 stage.

There's an obvious Def Leppard influence on show throughout, but the songs just don't have either the quality or the melody to even come close. When they finally put in a bit of pace on 'Live It Up' it's actually enjoyable, but it's a single shining light in a dark night, surrounded by giant poo monsters intent on snuffing it out. If the whole album had been like this, I would be writing a very different review, likely with less excremental references.

Alan Holloway