Valentiine - 'Valentiine'

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Valentiine - 'Valentiine'

A turgid, suicide note of an album that is duller than Arsenal's tactics.

If I had to make a list of things I don't want to happen, the return of grunge would be right up there with Ted Nugent becoming President and Lauren Harris making another album. Grunge sucked the life out of rock music, and whilst there were some cool tunes it was so up its own arse it eventually disappeared up there, which was a good thing. Well, it seems that there's been a little laxative involvement, as Aussie three piece and bad spellers Valentiine want us to remember the awesome greatness of the 90's like it wasn't boring and shite. Three guesses which way this review is going...

To be honest, I had no option but to listen to grungy stuff in the 90's as I got sent loads of it, and I got into some of it, although I never bother these days. Valentiine worship at the altar of Alice In Chains, Nirvana and L7, with the latter's name bubbling to the surface of the sick because both are all girl bands. The sound is low down and dirty, the lyrics vitriolic, and the vocals like those of a teenage girl who has just been told she can't go out with the boy she likes.

I don't know what any of the band are called, because the promo material (and the album inlay/cover) doesn't tell me. To be honest, though, I don't care that much. In truth, they do what they do absolutely fine, and if you want some music to slit your wrists by it's spot on, 'When You Want', for example, whines on like a petulant child so much I was myself tempted to self harm, and only survived because the wife will only let me have kindergarten style plastic scissors.

Grunge certainly had its moments, and a good grunge album stood out above the dross and the bandwagon jumpers. Valentiine try their hardest, but what has emerged is a turgid, suicide note of an album that is duller than Arsenal's tactics.

Take it away, nurse, it's giving me a headache!

Alan Holloway

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